Idling

Lately I feel like I have been stuck in neutral. Just idling. It has been frustrating. It’s been frustrating for me, and it has been especially frustrating for my partner.

Why have I just been idling? Well, I am waiting to have another surgery, and I hadn’t been given a concrete date. It’s hard to push forward and make future plans when, in the back of your mind, you know you might have to cancel them.

Why am I having another surgery? On the outside it looks like I am fully healed. I have managed to get back on my feet, and go on some sweet adventures, but as is the case with chronic illnesses, there are things simmering under the surface.

I’ve basically known since my first surgery that I would likely require this second one. So what exactly is the surgery that I am facing? They have already removed my large intestine, what else can they do?

Well, I am having my rectum and most of my anus removed. I believe the official name is Proctectomy. Why am I getting this done? My Crohn’s disease has always been concentrated around my rectum, and last part of the large intestine. Despite the rectum no longer being attached to the system, it is still inflamed, and hasn’t gotten any better. There are drainage issues, and it’s just not healing, so it’s got to go.

Which brings me back to idling. It’s hard to make future plans when you don’t have a surgery date. I just wanted to have everything fixed and behind me before trying to move forward. It’s tough to push forward when you know you are going to have to put everything on hold again and go through recovery for another 2 months.

I have been trying to stay fit, and do some “pre-hab”. (I find working out consistently very difficult). I have been trying to get up into the mountains as much as possible, to some success. The snowpack this year has been pretty interesting, and I haven’t done as much back country as I had intended.

I have also been trying to work on this blog and website, but I had seemed to hit a wall. I have about 3 different posts on some potentially interesting topics half written. I am struggling to translate what thoughts and emotions are in my head to the English language in such a way that won’t put everyone to sleep!

But now I have a date, March 6. I am of two minds! I look at the calendar, and think to myself, “Holy crap that is coming up fast!” But I am also excited to finally know what’s going on, and when it is going to happen.

Because I have a date, it gives me a timeframe to work with. I am going to put together a little exercise plan for myself to make sure I am as fit as possible. My goal is to be as fit as I can going into this, so that it will hopefully reduce my recovery time afterwards. My first surgery, I went into it very ill, and started my recovery at such a low level of fitness.

This also gives me a couple of new topics to write about, the lead up to surgery, and recovery steps afterwards.

I have also been working on an agreement with Coloplast Canada that I am pretty excited about. I am stoked to say I am going to be working as an Ambassador for them. I have been using Coloplast products for most of my ostomy journey, and I can’t wait to see where this goes!

So I am excited to shift out of neutral, and get back into gear. I am setting some clear goals for myself, and look forward to achieving them over the next few months!

What are some things that you do to keep you going? Let me know in the comments!

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