The Dreaded Self Flushing Toilet

Like most people right now, I have had a lot of time lately to sit and think. However, since my free time is ostomy-related, my thoughts turned more naturally to the toilet. And even more particularly to the dreaded self flushing/motion sensor toilets. What is the deal with these things? Why do they exist? Why do they have to be so gross?

I remember before my ostomy, I used to spend more time on a toilet than off of it. And when using those foul contraptions, I would be sitting there, and suddenly without warning a giant “whoosh!” and a little splash, and there she goes. Sometimes this would happen multiple times in one visit! The last thing you want to feel when you are sitting on a toilet is the water splashing up on your cheeks! GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Now, at least, I do not have to sit down to poop. But there are still risks to these monsters!

When I empty my bag, I like to make a small toilet paper nest in the bowl to avoid some nasty splash-back! Well, with the cursed motion sensor flush, you get your nest ready, and just as the poop is about to plop down out of the bag, away washes your nest, and you drop your grenade into a splatter-fest. Instead of the nice gentle landing that you had anticipated, everything is chaos! It’s like you just threw all your poop into a ceiling fan for fun!

And what is the point anyway? I mean, I always wash my hands after every visit to the bathroom, so this self flushing technology is not helping me stay any cleaner. I have also seen plenty of toilets where you flush it by stepping on a lever or button on the floor. That seems easier, cleaner and more cost effective than a computer program and motion sensor whose main purpose in life is to ruin your day!

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I want these toilets banned. As I said, they cover their users in the contents of what they are designed to get rid of. But they also waste water because they flush more often. And while I have done absolutely zero research into the cost of the technology, I am assuming that it costs more than a lever and chain?

So there we have it. I have saved the world money. I have saved the world water. And I have saved the world from wasting water that puts you waist deep in your own waste.